REVIEW - HOW TO SPEAK ALASKAN
Doogan, Mike, How to Speak Alaskan. Epicenter Press. Softbound. 63 pages, line drawing illustrations by Jamie Smith. $4.95.
If Mike Doogan weren’t an excellent journalist and third-generation Alaskan, I’d fault him for using "Alaskan" in any sense other than the people who dwell in Alaska. Of course, he could reply that:
1. He was using an ellipses - "How To Speak Like an Alaskan" would be the full title.
2. What the heck does it matter when you’re writing a little pocket guide meant to inform and make the reader laugh occasionally?
He’d be right. Here’s a sample:
"Cold Snap - When the heat goes away for a long time. In interior Alaska two-week periods of -50 or colder are not uncommon, causing things to snap. Engine parts, for example. And sewer lines. And the nerves of parents with children cooped up inside the house. Hence the name."
Many of the definitions are Eskimo and gold-mining terms, but Southeast isn’t totally neglected.
"Muskeg - A bog covered with hummocks of earth, usually home to low-lying plant life and sometimes to spindly black spruce. Because underlying permafrost (not true in SE) blocks drainage, muskeg covers much of the state. Hiking across it is a workout, like slogging through soft, wet mattresses." (So very true.)
"No-see-ums - Too bad they aren’t no-feel-ums, too. The nearly invisible little buggers bite like crocodiles, and can infiltrate all but the smallest-mesh mosquito netting."
This reviewer must note the lack of at least two terms that mean so much to the Panhandle.
Vizqueen - Spelled various ways, but always respectfully capitalized and sometimes with the trademark symbol attached. No definition needed.
White socks - Those horrid little monsters that leave bloody tracks on your body. At least one early explorer referred to them as "Those little demons from Hell." Quite right.
But, hey, for $4.95 you can buy a copy and add your definitions in the back. Nice to send to friends Outside, or in the South 48.
D. L.